Scientific Report Homo Sapien Americus Redneckia

Today I'd like to give you a closer insight into what it means to be that special type of Southerner . . . the Redneck.

First off, let's talk about the name. Redneck. Hmm, why on earth is there such a name? Well, the traditions of the name carry with it agrarian roots. Rednecks also liked being called "Sons of the Soil" (but not so much "Daughters of Dirt" ). The red neck of the Redneck traditionally came from working hard in the fields on the crops (such as cotton, tobacco, soybeans, corn, wheat and other essential flora). Now, this has become less true. The Redneck of today has more than likely gained his/her distinctive marking from long hours in the hot sun drinking Busch or Busch Light and watching NASCAR waiting for the all important crash. It is not uncommon for the Redneck to also have another distinctive marking: the Farmer's Tan. This marking has also changed in its progenitation. Most Rednecks will have gained a Farmer's Tan from long hours either in the backyard vegetable patch growing pumpkins, sweet potatoes and water melons or from driving long hours with arms out the window while en route to a NASCAR event.

The Redneck has also been greatly disparaged as of late. Many are accused of ignorance, racism and blind patriotism. This is, generally speaking, untrue; this actually fits that unique species Homo Sapien Bushus Georgiat No-Win-An-Election-Legally-ostus.

The true Redneck is actually very genial, known for friendliness, generosity, respectfulness and an excellent work ethic. Despite this, there are those who do not fit the avergae mold. Below I have added a collection of photographs with commentary. It is hoped that after viewing these images you might make an informed opinion about this unique species.




Here we see the typical living quarters of a Redneck in a non-typical colour scheme and environment. Rednecks do love to express themselves in bright colours and other extravagent means. The barren and rubbish strewn area is not typical as Rednecks tend to like and live around natural vegetation as it attracts animals which might otherwise be taken as food.



Here we see the natural creativity and ingenuity of the Redneck. As many of the species enjoy and live near a body of water, this type of (as they call it) "house boat" is not a surprise. Note the upper deck with access ladder and attached outboard motor to the rear.





Here we see a creative example of the mechanical prowess of the Redneck. The species is known for its deep set loyalty, be it to a moment in history, a group, a cultural ideology, a region or even a television show. This example is proof of such loyalty and was used as a means of transportation for a wedding ceremony. While the photograph does not show, the doors are inoperable but the windows are fully functional. Apparently, the Redneck enjoys "slidin' through the winder" as they say.




The mechanical abilities and resourcefulness of the Redneck also has led to many interesting forms of family transportation. This is a fine example of how much the Rednecks enjoy recreational activities while outdoors.

more blogs of friends

This one will be quick. The following is a very short list of two more blogs you might like. They're both from friends so I take no responsibility for the content:

Sunburned Country

The Hofmann Chronicles

I've been told that my dear wife has a blog as well . . . I cannot confirm nor deny this allegation. If you had information leading to the capture of this blog, please let me know. Just kidding . . . seriously, though, I don't know if she really does and if she does I don't know the address.

Oddities of the world

Well hello again dear reader . . . it has been some time since I've posted on here. I won't offer an excuse, as I haven't really offered one in the past when I didn't write a post in millenia. Let me just jump into this one . . .

So, while the world seems all crazy and bent out of shape (i.e. North Korea and nuclear weapons, rising death toll in Iraq, hectic mid-term elections in the U.S., increasing violence world wide, etc) I thought I'd try to spread some chuckles and introspection.

Now, one might not usually combine laughter and deep, stoic thought but I'm going to try. Let me preface all of this first. We live in a rather typical neighborhood on a usually quiet street with access to two main roads. We have rarely had any trouble with the neighbors aside from a few dogs who bark at very odd and inconvenient hours and the occasional person who either wants to cut the grass or do home renovations at 7 am on a Saturday. A small apartment block is right beside us and I haven't seen or interacted much with the inhabitants. I do know they're mostly migrants, like myself, from places in Asia and the Middle East (not like myself).

What I want to write about is not so much these neighbors but hard rubbish collection. On most hard rubbish days you'll see an odd assortment of stuff. I've talked about it in a way previous post (go check the archives because I can't be bothered making a link). As of late, our migrant neighbors have taken to leaving hard rubbish collection materials at least once a week.

Some very odd stuff has made its way out onto the footpath . . . such as a pink little girl's bicycle complete with plastic white basket on the front, three orange plastic chairs (the likes of which you usually see in a school or church social hall), a framed motivational poster with the glass broken (the poster, interstingly enough was a jungle scene and had a message about perseverance) and another framed poster with the glass broken but this time it was a tourist promotional spread for the Northern Territory.

For some reason these items get left out . . . then the next day they've moved to another side of the street or further up or down the same side of the street. Does this stuff migrate? I've never stayed up all night watching. The thought of me in night-vision goggles watching to see if inanimate objects left as refuse will begin to move of their own accord is not one I want to really entertain. But, in addition to the stuff moving about it also seems to disappear then reappear. I've seen the bicycle left out on six different occasions, sometimes with the chairs and sometimes with large boxes for a refrigerator or television. The posters have never made reappearances, though. Just the bicycle and chairs.

It seems sad that these items have been discarded and neglected not only by the inhabitants of the flat next to us, but also by the hard rubbish collectors and every person who has travelled along our street. While the old saying might go "one man's trash is another man's treasure" this stuff seems to have been universally stamped "TRASH."

All right, so all of that wasn't too funny and didn't likely spark any thoughts . . . oh well, yet another promise unfulfilled.

So, anyone want a pink bike or some orange chairs?